MY FATHER LEFT ME AT 5 - Dealing with 'daddy issues'

I started out my dating life pretty strong, entering the halls of my primary school in grade one, neatly ironed uniform and two braids, a backpack bigger than me, jumping into the school grounds ready to learn, back then I would never have guessed the people I would meet and the experiences I would encounter.

Everything was fun and happy, people where great and life was colourful I never knew understood what heart break was, everything would just be perfect forever. The way you are, is usually because of experiences you’ve had perviously, the way you’ve been raised or the people who raised you. For example I had a friend that grew up with strict parents, she wasn’t allowed to do anything she didn’t get a phone till 9th grade and wasn’t ever allowed social media, she was forced into getting a job and the money she earned went to paying rent and helping her very rich parents, did it teach her good life skills, maybe. But when she left school she was smart enough to save up enough money to move very far away she then spent the rest of her money on drugs and alcohol trying to forget her harsh past, because of her upbringing she then resorted in escape. In any relationship we look for escape.

‘’No matter what boy or girlfriend you’ve had. The reason you have liked them is because in some way they hide your insecurities.’’ - CB

Life lesson 1: You fall in love with your partner for who they are but also because they fill your insecurities and you fill theirs.

Someone I know had a father who controlled everything and anyone, his son was forced into boarding school and made to go to study, the job he ended up with was a very high position that needed him to be in control at his work place, later on he fell In love with a girl she was a free flying actress no care, no one to control her, she fell in love with him, she needed someone to control her and he needed someone to control; they have been married ever since. My biological father left me when I was 5, I never knew if it was his choice or he just forgot and while I have worked through that, it use to  effected me when looking at romantic partners. You hear people talk about having ‘daddy issues’ and it's funny to laugh about but its a real thing, the way your father treats you is influenced on the male partner you will end up with, and the way the a mother treats her son will influence the son’s choice in partners. The fact my biological father left me when I was younger and left me with a bunch of questions means my choice in men will more then likely be poor. This is about the romantic relationship I have been in or around and how I dealt with them, not only romantic but the friendships I have been around and how they greatly effected my growth as an individual. Every experience you have had, effects you and your life in some way thats why people say ‘everything happens for a reason’ the truth is if my dad didn’t leave me when I was a kid, would I have learnt how to be strong and deal with pain? Would I have learnt how to move on and let time heal? Your parents can be blamed for the way you end up, you can point your fingers and crucify them however much you would like, but until you realise that they have only benefited you, you will never move on. I would never wish my experience on anyone but I do thank my father for what he did. Not only did it mean I had an incredible relationship with my mother but it meant the door was left open for other father figures to step in and be the light he was not. The reason I can share and pass on knowledge is because I have experienced it and for me; to be able to share my experience and hope it helps someone or changes one persons mindset, that’s all worth the heart break!

What happened in your past may have sucked and I appreciate that, if you want to move on and mend the relationship, create a brighter future or just be at peace; I invite you to forgive what has happened and thank the people who raised you. Believe it or not, parents don’t actually know how to parent, no one has ever taught them and half of the thing you blame them for, they probably thought they were doing the right thing! Don’t hold grudged and don’t create blame, let them know ‘what happened when I was younger, sucked and it wasn’t nice but I get I never came with a ‘how too’ and you were just doing your best.’ Whatever your heart feels is what is right, don’t be afraid to be venerable and don’t let fear get in the way of your forgiveness. The way you felt or were taught as a child will effect your thinking when your older, don’t let it build a wall with new people, be open and don’t let you ‘past thinking’ block the possibilities for a new relationship/ friendship! You also don’t have to do this alone, at the www.sunflower.co we have coaches trained to help and guide you through all of you what we call ‘clouds’. Reach out and ask for a free consult or find out more on our website!